LiveFreeAndComply.org

After several months of toiling on behalf of the Planning Board’s excavation subcommittee, along with the diligent efforts of the state gravel bureaucrats, the Selectmen, and Cassandra Pearce: gravel companies in town are becoming an avid target of local busybodies. In particular, Hank LeTarte’s gravel operation has been shut down by royal decree until it is anointed with the appropriate government paperwork, and Chocorua Valley Lumber is being extorted to the tune of $100 /day for their history of flagrant non-cooperation with the town when it comes to wetlands and important matters of government paperwork.

Selectman Willie Farnum and Cassandra have openly discussed their creepy endeavors cruising around town eyeing what they can see of gravel operations from the road. Lessons learned: don’t let bureaucrats on your property, and put some shrubbery between your property and their leering eyes.

Do you own or work for a productive business in Tamworth looking to be left alone by invasive bureaucrats? Is your business struggling to make ends meet and can’t afford the bill charged to you for the privilege of compliance inspections? In anticipation of Tamworth’s Groundwater Protection Ordinance, now listed on the town’s website, LiveFreeAndComply.org is announcing a new service expected to be in hot demand in the immediate future: let us convert your existing five-gallon buckets into slightly less useful, yet fully GPO compliant 4 1/2 gallon buckets!

Using our patented technique, involving a Sawzall and a drill, we’ll cut your bucket down to a mere 90% of its original capacity, re-drill the holes for the handle, and leave you with a 100% GPO compliant 4 1/2 gallon bucket in which you can store fuel, motor oil, or any one of the thousands of household chemicals listed at this user-friendly EPA website. Not only will the tentacles of their ordinance not extend to you if you’re storing less than five gallons, you’ll also get a warm fuzzy feeling knowing you’re doing something good for the environment: 4 1/2 gallons of sludge would be infinitely more safe than 5 gallons, by the logic of their ordinance.

Service appointments are filling up fast, so e-mail info@livefreeandcomply.org now to schedule your time slot. Our crack team of bucket-capacity-reduction-specialists are standing by to assist you for a mere fraction of the amount that one compliance inspection would cost.

The Tamworth Planning Board and Conservation Commission are pushing ahead with their Groundwater Protection Ordinance “in the interest of public health, safety, and general welfare” (you know you’re in trouble when government starts using phrases like that). In order to keep us all safe, they think they need to conduct compliance inspections of any business in town (home businesses included) using more than five gallons of the thousands of controlled substances listed in this federal EPA list -  namely: things as common as household products under the sink, a gas can, or a few quarts of oil for vehicles on site. More precisely: pretty much every business in Tamworth will be subject to their “compliance inspections” and associated fees.

Their ordinance lays out a “groundwater protection district” subject to these rules, covering approximately all of the non-forested parts of Tamworth, and goes so far as to ban several activities entirely; as Planning Board member Steve Gray objected: construction of new gas stations will be banned pretty much everywhere anyone would want to buy gas conveniently.

The Conservation Commission put out a Groundwater Protection Ordinance FAQ. In it, they acknowledge that their compliance inspections could be considered an invasion of privacy, and counter with some ironic arguments: “We already inspect for fire safety, what’s one more inspection?”, “Inspections are educational events.” (And if you disagree with said education, fines and enforcement action for you!), and best of all: “The only businesses that would be afraid of inspections are the ones with something to hide!” (Most folks don’t have anything to hide, but still put clothing on every morning and send their mail in sealed envelopes.)

If in fact some local business owner does end up spewing toxic substances into the ground, what are they going to say? “The Tamworth Green Police inspected and anointed my operation here, I’m off the hook.” Of course not – if a business owner is so irresponsible as to be causing actual harm to his neighbors and the environment, the responsibility has and will lie with him. Having the Tamworth Green Police engage in invasive compliance inspections all over town, and charging those businesses for the pleasure of their compliance inspections, under the auspices of “maybe, possibly someday something could go wrong here” will be a bureaucratic headache for all responsible business owners in town, and an obnoxious invasion of privacy.

In the end, the town government simply wants the ability to point at each and every business, residence, or building project in town and say “yea or nay” as to its suitability in fitting in “their vision” for Tamworth. Their recent pushes on zoning and this ordinance are simply an effort to legitimize town government’s desires via stacks of paperwork, bureaucracy, and law.

Chair of the Conservation Commission, and Professional Poop Farmer, Ned Beecher sent a letter to his neighbor George recently, detailing the disaster that he had caused when he installed a meager little culvert and removed, horror of horrors, a tree stump. Not an ecological disaster, mind you, nor anything that impacted the properties of George’s neighbors, but a disaster of a far greater magnitude: no government permission was sought for the endeavor.

The letter includes helpful tidbits for George, such as a grand explanation of all his permitting options through the DES, his tree-stump removal violation, and a suggestion that George and his wife “may want to consult with the Planning Board and/or Conservation Commission to get a sense of the permissibility of what you propose, prior to spending time and money on the application process”. At least Ned understands that their subjective control of private property does have time and financial implications for local families and businesses, and it certainly will in this case as he CC’ed his letter to the NH DES as well as the Selectmen for enforcement action. Ned wraps up his letter with a particularly neighborly tone: “As noted, you are possibly in violation of three state and local regulations. You may need as many as three permits to proceed.”

Something is wrong when some poor fellow can’t remove a stump nor install a culvert on his own property without threats of being cost time and money, along with gracious offers to “get a sense of the permissibility of what you propose” from various town and state bureaucrats. Most neighbors help each other out with backyard projects, but apparently if you live next door to a town bureaucrat, you’re instead threatened with enforcement of onerous and unethical regulations.

One day, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in Tamworth.  He said,

“Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me.  Build another Ark and save two of every living thing along with a few good humans.”

He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, “You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights.”

Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard – but there was no Ark.
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